When you’ve been trying to conceive (TTC) for as long as we have, you become desperate to try just about anything. Where do you go for advice when you can’t sleep? You guessed it, the good ole Internet! You read blog after blog and chat posts from every message board you can find. The more I read, the crazier people sound, but hey, whatever works.
You start off with the easy, normal stuff, like charting your ovulation and body temperature. You try to remember to take your folic acid and/or prenatal vitamins every day. You buy the expensive, special “sperm friendly” lubricant (which is pretty awesome btw). You know it’s not scientifically sound, but you try certain positions that may be more conducive to sperm travel. You lay in bed with your feet in the air after intercourse to help give those swimmers a boost. In my house, we call this “marinating.”
When these seemingly simple “tricks” don’t get the job done, it’s back to the message boards. Here’s where the crazy comes in!
make him eat peanuts….okay… Is there some sort of special fertility boosting agent that peanuts contain?
drink green tea… Isn’t that a diuretic that’s full of caffeine? Don’t people use a green tea supplement to lose weight?
progesterone cream… On your feet? I know you can detox through the soles of your feet. I suppose any sort of topical hormone should be applied somewhere that doesn’t get a whole lot of physical contact.
drink coconut water… I could consider that one. Sounds like a load of crap, but at least it’s delicious.
macrobiotic diet… Whatever the hell that is?? According to Wikipedia (
best source ever) it “is a dietary regimen which involves eating grains as a staple food, supplemented with other foods such as local vegetables, and avoiding the use of highly processed or refined foods and most animal products.”
aspirin regimen… I know you can take baby aspirin every day to prevent a heart attack, but to boost fertility? Hmmm…
acupuncture & chiropractic care… That sounds wonderful!! Might try getting an adjustment or two. I don’t know about acupuncture though.
get blessed by the Pope… Well, pretty sure that’s not in my budget.
don’t eat pineapple… It’s summertime! Are you kidding me? Even when it’s not summer, that’s one of my go-to fruits. Not gonna happen without some scientific evidence.
belly dancing… Pretty sure that just makes the baby-making process more exciting, not more likely to conceive.
take Mucinex (guaifenesin)… supposedly has the same effect on cervical mucus that it does on mucus in your chest and sinuses.
don’t drink any coffee or booze… LMAO!! No freakin way! I know I’ll have to give them up when/if I ever do conceive, but I’m not doin’ it until I have to.
lose weight… Sounds legit, but I’ve already lost a good 25 pounds in the last 6 months, and nothing has changed.
don’t try… Sick of hearing this.
get rid of stress… That’s a daily struggle.
take a vacation… Here we go with the budget again. One can only vacation so many times in a year, and still keep a job, and be able to support a family when the time comes.
pray… Probably the best advice you can get. As I said in a previous post, it is definitely all in God’s timing. It’s hard, but even if I can’t give it all over, I can offer a little bit at a time.
Needless to say, most of these “tips” are just humorous to me, but a few may be worth a try! For now, we’ll just keep charting, marinating, and relaxing. The waiting game is ridiculously frustrating, but I refuse to give up.