Anticipation & Disappointment

The last time I posted, I mentioned that I had about 10 days until Aunt Flo was supposed to return. Well those 10 days have come and gone, plus a couple more.

There is nothing as agonizing as waiting for something, that you really don’t want, to show up. You build up excitement in your mind, “To pee on a stick, or not to pee on a stick?” “How am I going to react if it’s positive?” “How long will it take to get in to see the doctor?”

But then within a few hours, Aunt Flo comes a-knockin’ and crushes your hopes.

It seems my “pms” symptoms are getting worse every month. The fact that early pregnancy symptoms and period symptoms mimic each other, is kind of frustrating. I’ve been off of birth control for over 3 years now. My cycles are still ALWAYS regular, minus the extra day or two late, the last couple months. Every time my symptoms change, I get excited and think that I might finally be knocked up. Does it really take this long for birth control to get out of your system?? GAH!!

Well, all we can do is keep trying, and praying.

I’m going to start charting my basal temperature again. And I’m going to quit smoking. It’s going to be really difficult, but hopefully not as bad as I think. I need to make myself as healthy as possible. I’ll just have to remind myself that quitting is best for future baby. It’s one of the last things I can do to help better my chances, without seeing a specialist.

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